When you’re having a hard time finding a partner and going through long periods of being single, you may find yourself wondering, “Will I be single forever?”
You look for hope in your horoscope. You patronize your local psychic. You pray to your higher power.
If after all this you still do not see results, you may begin to feel that destiny has become an obstacle to happiness.
It’s like there’s some force outside of you conspiring to pull you away from your soul mate, like a window is closing.
Here’s another important question to ask yourself: how much pain do you have to be in to finally have had enough and say goodbye to this story of perpetual loneliness?
How can you break this cycle and find fulfillment?
How to find hope when you’re worried you’ll be alone forever
The motivation for the biggest changes in life comes from difficult circumstances. Whether you’re changing careers or figuring out your love life, your motivation ultimately comes from your dissatisfaction with your current circumstances.
Use your discomfort and worry as motivation to prove your fears wrong.
Say to yourself: “Enough!”
Commit to creating the miracle of living your life with your soul mate by your side.
If you listen to famous artists and athletes when they are interviewed, many of them tell the story of someone who didn’t believe in them as motivation to prove that person wrong. This can be a powerful force to keep you going as you transform your limiting beliefs about love.
Decide that you will prove fate wrong, that your free will is stronger than any predestined outcome.
stop giving away your power
To free yourself from this belief that you are meant to be alone, you must know that your free will is stronger than any karma, soul contract, astrological conditions, or anything you believe determines your destiny. You have the power within you to free yourself from this curse.
But first you must stop giving away your power to outside forces and circumstances.
A psychic or intuitive does not have the power to successfully predict the future 100 percent of the time. The reason is that you have free will and can make a different choice or take a new action.
The psychic is just reading your current energy and seeing what your future looks like if nothing changed. Like a train on a track, psychics see where you are going, nothing more, nothing less.
You are responsible for where you can go in life. It is not necessary to continue on the same path.
If you want a great loving relationship, you must free yourself from the idea that you are meant to be alone, as if there is some power in the universe that determines who gets loved or not.
Take responsibility for change
It is very tempting to look for something outside of yourself (an authority, a psychic, signs from the universe, etc.) that will give you the key to changing your destiny. If there were some wise sages who could grant you the wisdom you need to finally have love in your life, then you could rest easy.
But that wisdom is ultimately within you. You are your own authority.
Part of accepting that truth is learning to trust yourself. If you’re really meant to be alone, then there’s nothing you can do.
Notice how that leaves you feeling powerless. If it’s true, then you better stop trying and make the most of your lonely life.
You are not meant to be alone. You are not powerless to change your life. However, you are responsible for changing your life; no one else can do it for you.
Meeting your soul mate is not something that happens by accident. It is a conscious journey to bring a beloved companion, one that you have the free choice to embark on.
don’t give in to fate
The belief that you are meant to be alone is your biggest obstacle to having a loving life partner. It is time to find the courage to let go of this belief that is not serving you.
As long as you hold on to this belief, you will be safe. You may not be as happy and content as you would like to be, but you will be safe, and safety is the most important thing to your subconscious mind.
Your subconscious doesn’t care if you’re safe and happy, or safe and miserable. He just wants to keep things the same.
Your subconscious mind is committed to homeostasis above all else.
To free yourself from the belief that you are meant to be alone, you must find the courage to stop looking outside of yourself for answers and start believing that you deserve love.
Remember, you are not alone in feeling alone.
You are not special because somehow you are meant to be alone in this life or any other. You are like everyone else.
You are here to share your experience with another, to feel connected to another. You were born as the physical embodiment of the energy of love (like every child that has come into the world) and you deserve to be loved and share your life with a partner who understands and loves you.
Many people write to us that they are the exception. They believe that they are meant to be alone in this life and that nothing they do will change that fact.
Most of these people have generally given up because they are tired of experiencing heartbreak and loneliness. They believe that they will feel more at ease if they simply stop searching and release the desire for a soul mate.
It’s up to you to take the ray of hope you have and make it grow. Start taking actions that will change your destiny and release the belief that you are meant to be alone.
Relegate bad experiences to the past
One of the reasons that psychics, astrologers and the like have had such a profound effect on you is that there is a part of you that sees some truth in what they are telling you.
You probably have had problems in your relationships, or you would not have contacted psychics or horoscopes in the first place. Then you find confirmation of your belief, touch a wound and feel the “truth” of what you have discovered.
Your subconscious provides you with examples from your past and reinforces the belief. And now you’re stuck in a loop of belief, evidence, reinforced belief, more evidence, etc.
This cycle is present in your life and is shaping your experiences, however, it is not the be all and end all. You are not powerless to change it and release it completely.
Think of people who have been smoking cigarettes for decades. They identify as smokers and have lived within the culture of a smoker for many years.
His social life revolves around taking the time to smoke. At some point, many of them decide to break the pattern and break free of the need and desire to smoke.
They become non-smokers just like you can become a person living your life together with your soul mate.
Master your false beliefs
In order to break this pattern, you need to discover the source of this belief that you are different from everyone else on the planet and that you are meant to be alone.
Start looking for the source by examining your childhood. Eliminate the belief that you are destined to be alone like a weed in a garden.
Get it out of the ground and shine it in the light where you can see it for the fake that it is.
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Just like in The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy discovers that the wizard has no real powers and is just a man behind the curtain. And like Dorothy, you will also discover that you have the power to create your own destiny.
When you were born, you were like any other child that came into this world: you were the physical embodiment of the energy of love.
You had no limiting beliefs about love. You gave love freely and you received love openly.
And like all children, you grew up to discover that love was somehow conditional. And that to get the love you wanted you had to assume certain beliefs, strategies and behaviors.
Very quickly this system became part of your understanding of how love works for you.
We call this system Your Love Imprint® and it includes your limiting beliefs, your mental and emotional patterns, and your strategies for giving and receiving love.
Your love imprint is what drives your behavior in the way you approach dating, mating, and relationships. It is the core childhood wound that needs to be transformed to release the limiting belief that you are meant to be alone.
Change your patterns: control your destiny
Healing your childhood wounds will allow you to let go of the emotional baggage you have been carrying with the belief that you are meant to be alone. Meditating and seeking guidance are useful tools on your journey, but it is the deeper healing work that will change the outcome and your experiences.
You have an emotional story about love that is not serving you. We don’t call it a story to lessen your experience so much as to encourage you to understand that you have created meaning out of past events.
Nothing has meaning except the meaning you give it. It is very likely that you have assigned meaning to the events of your childhood that led you to determine that you are destined to be alone.
Now, as a grown woman, you can reassign new meanings that help you create what you want: a life partner!
The past does not have to be a predictor of what the future will bring. But to change your destiny, you ultimately need to change your beliefs and internal triggers.
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” They are the authors of the free e-book, “7 Steps to Soul Union”, which can be found on their website.
This article was originally published on Love on Purpose. Reprinted by permission of the author.