A woman’s first instinct is to look for the problem and blame.
But for some women, their first instinct can be to ignore the problem.
“When I was a young woman, I felt like it was my fault,” says Erin, a 27-year-old marketing manager from Houston.
“I had to constantly be a victim, and I felt so entitled.
It made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough.”
While many women feel guilty when they are accused of doing something wrong, Erin says she wasn’t feeling any guilt about being a woman at the time.
“The first thing I did when I saw the news was go to my friends and say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’
I didn’t know any better.”
The woman’s second instinct was to go to her friends and talk to them about the incident.
“I didn’t really know that women didn’t always know what to do, but I thought I knew what to say,” Erin says.
“The way I would say it was, ‘It’s your fault, it’s your problems, it should be you, and you’re just the victim.'”
But Erin says this approach was wrong.
She had been in a relationship for about six months, and she’d found her soul mate through her friends.
She’d met a man who was very outgoing and liked to have fun, and he was the perfect match for her.
“We were just perfect,” Erin recalls.
“We had the same interests, we wanted to do the same things.
We just didn’t have the same experiences.
So it felt like I was doing everything wrong.
I thought, ‘I’m the one that needs to fix this.'”
I realized that this wasn’t really my problem.
“But when she tried to fix the problem, the issue didn’t go away.”
My life was a mess,” she says.”
It felt like everything was falling apart.
I was in therapy for a year.
I’d have to go through counseling for another year.
My mental health was bad.
I felt depressed.
I wanted to kill myself.
I realized there was something very wrong with me, and that’s when I was ready to take a step back and say: I’m sorry. “
At first, I was like, ‘That’s not my problem,’ but I started to see what was going on.
I realized there was something very wrong with me, and that’s when I was ready to take a step back and say: I’m sorry.
And I’m trying to be a good, caring, nurturing person.”
But there was still no way to get rid of the problem without breaking up with the person she’d fallen in love with.
“What I would do is go out and date other women, and then if they are still interested, then I would try to get a break up with them, and maybe they’ll be OK,” Erin admits.
“It’s not like I’m a perfect person, and it’s not going to make them happy.
But it’s my way of saying, ‘You’re not the only one, and we’re here to help.'”
Erin’s friend, Rachel, says she felt similarly.
“Being a woman in this culture has made me a victim,” Rachel says.
She says that when she first discovered the term “women’s issue” in the late 1990s, she thought that it was something that only happened to men.
“But when I found out that it’s something that affects all women, it changed everything.”
Ern, Rachel and Erin had a great time together, Rachel says, and they even had kids.
But in the early 2000s, things started to change.
“One day, I started going to therapy,” Erin remembers.
“And when I started having these thoughts of wanting to kill herself, I really felt like that was the right thing to do.”
Err decided that she needed to talk to her friend about what was happening to her.
“She told me, ‘Erin, I’m so sorry.
I feel like you need to talk about this, and for you to be more understanding.
You need to stop blaming yourself.'”
She went to Rachel and said, “Listen, this is what I’m going through.
You have to forgive me.
You’re not alone.”
But after talking with Rachel and taking the first steps in the right direction, Erin was still stuck.
“She said, ‘But you’re a woman.
I can’t forgive you.
I’m not a woman.’
So I was so hurt,” Erin adds.”
And I said, I understand, I know you’re trying to help, but what about me?”
Rachel says she told Erin, “You need to listen to me.”
“I’m a woman,” Erin said.
“You’re a man.”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you still a man?”
“Yes,” Erin answered.
“So I feel safe.
I love women.
And men don’t understand. And you